my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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