dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
