four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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