i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
