i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
