I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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