i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
