P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
