i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's get the cat blown out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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