I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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