yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
