My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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