I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
