The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ttyl tear gas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
