party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
