Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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