my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
