idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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