He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
