why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
