Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
