Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
