Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
