Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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