thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize