he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
