ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
