I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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