whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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