me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
