Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
