Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
