The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
