My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You smell like stripper and shame
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
