mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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