he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize