You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
