I need help removing her.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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