Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
