i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
