I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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