How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize