i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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