I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
