i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
