True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
