She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
