just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
