apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
