so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
