i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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