When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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