last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
