I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
