For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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