good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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