i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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