Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How does it feel to date your dad?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
