Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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