Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
