I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
