you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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