all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
