I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize