I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I could fuck to npr.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
