This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
