when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
