woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
