she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
