well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
