He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
