just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
